Investigators discovered the children to be illegally employed in August at a Win.IT America Inc. distribution center in Hebron. The kids had worked there for months and had worked for more hours than legally allowed ...
If there's one trend that's stood out in the Trump and post-Trump years, it's that America's grade school-aged children yearn for jobs in heavy industry. Children might go to their parents complaining of all the attention a classmate has received after an accident in which cleaning equipment in a meat processing plant peeled the flesh of one arm to the bone. Or maybe you’ve seen children gaze longingly toward your town's industrial zone, impatient to begin a career at one of the three remaining factories, none of them unionized. 1.2 Ton Beekeeping Forklift
Most importantly, America’s children want to drive forklifts and receive the lowest possible wages to do it.
Here at Hunter Industries, we believe in empowering our nation's children. That's why we're pleased to announce FORKS!, a new line of forklift safety equipment for children ages 6 to 13. Your company’s child laborers may not become officially forklift certified, but you can now make them FORKS! certified!
Today's industrial equipment isn't made with children's unique needs in mind, but a FORKS! booster seat will have them sitting tall and proud. No longer will your sixth grader need to stand to see over the forklift's soot-covered dash instruments. FORKS! booster seats elevate young drivers while providing increased workplace safety. Tie the FORKS! booster seat to the forklift operator's chair using the provided twine, then sit back and watch the looks of joy as your factory's child laborers enjoy the increased visibility—and efficiency!
Elementary school-aged children's naturally short stature also means they often struggle to reach the pedals of machinery designed for adult frames. Our new line of platform boots will allow even the shortest child laborers to operate those hard-to-reach controls.
FORKS! Huckaboots aren't your typical platform shoes. Using an innovative design from Dr. Ren DeSantos, Huckaboots include a tall internal heel that allows your child worker’s toes to s-t-r-e-t-c-h to their full potential while gently reshaping the bones of the foot to maximize pedal-reaching abilities. Just place FORKS! Huckaboots on your child laborer and listen to the shrieks of pleasure as their bones adapt to our height-maximizing paradigms.
You've gotten your child workers sitting tall and stretching far, but what about the natural immaturities of a child's brain? Young children are prone to mischief, and while an 11-year-old boy given access to a forklift may choose to efficiently stack boxes, he is equally likely to wipe boogers on the tips of the forks and use the vehicle to chase fellow 11-year-old workers around the warehouse.
That won't be a problem with FORKS! Safety and Compliance Signage for children. Simply place our high-visibility metal plaque on the wall:
W A R N I N G Do not place boogers on forklift forks for the purposes of chasing other children around the warehouse.
Life in America is difficult for today's young children. They have the right to be shredded by high-powered rifle fire in their elementary school classrooms, with bullets removing so much of their faces that their parents can identify the bodies only by the clothes the children are wearing. And they've learned to coat their faces with the blood of murdered friends in an attempt to trick a shooter into thinking they're already dead, showing critical thinking skills that may rank far above that of some adult employees. But our government still prohibits them from becoming forklift certified.
Our industry lobbyists haven't been able to change that yet, but we at Hunter Industries can at least help to ensure your unlicensed tween workers reach new peaks of efficiency while waiting for governors to right this wrong. Look for our new website—coming soon!—and let's maximize factory child labor synergies together!
Sign up to receive Daily Kos email action alerts .
State lawmakers want children to fill labor shortages, even in bars and on school nights
Iowa, 13 other states intentionally trying to undermine decades-old child labor protection laws
1.2 Ton Beekeeping Forklift Cartoon: The perks of child labor